Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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