is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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