So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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