Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
