Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
