Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
