I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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