YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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