OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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