The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize