I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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