I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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