This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
