Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.