Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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