I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
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I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
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Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.