I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?