So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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