We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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