is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
