I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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