I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
