u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
