ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
