If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize