that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
