I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
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That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
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I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.