so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
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and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"