sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
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I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
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You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..