Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING