i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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