So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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