he was CRYING into my vagina
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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