I accidentally had phone sex last night
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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