he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
