i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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