actually, I'm a sock model
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
