eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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