Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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