I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
