Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
