even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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