I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
