just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
