I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
