Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
