why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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