i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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