Duck Duck Cougar?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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