Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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