I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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