I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
