Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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