We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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