If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
