I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
