You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
