??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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