Whod you bang
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
