totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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