She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
