I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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