I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
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I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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