I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
