I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
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