I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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