She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
