We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
