allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
no, he came in my armpit
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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